I have found in my new role as a mama that those moments of stillness I used to cherish and depend on are few and far between, so I have resorted to seeking out moments of quiet that are in the fold of our day. Breastfeeding happens to be one of my favorite islands of stillness (when Rowen isn't rolling on my lap). Mostly, I find that it is the perfect time to regroup, and what a miracle that it happens so often and at regular intervals! It gives me another chance to be present in the moment during these days that seem to just whirl past and it proves to be like an anchor on our stormy days, calling me back to center before I go mad. Lately, I have three favorites, they go like this:
Body - As I am holding Rowen and he nurses I ground by deepening my breath and then I begin to trace my own body and tune in to all of the places where we are touching. I notice my hands, arms, belly, lap. I rest my mind on that area and take note of the sensation arising, the energy alive between the two of us. I then trace his form and notice all of the places he is touching me, curiously they are different than where I recognize myself touching him. Again, I feel into the joy in the spaces where we merge. I often like to land my awareness on his hands and I rest in the sensation of the way they are softly holding my side, floating across my chest, tugging on my scarf, or whatever else they may be doing. Because this one is focused on my body awareness I find it to be particularly calming and grounding.
- Breath - I lean on the breath when he is struggling to calm down before or during nursing, usually when it is time for a rest. I bring my awareness to my breathing and begin to inhale down my front body and deep into my belly, expanding this space and bringing in a sense of brightness and vitality. As I exhale, I feel the air ride up my spine and I allow my muscles to relax, releasing tightness or tension wherever it might be. I imagine this sense of relaxation radiating out like a ripple from my spine and it envelopes him, helping him to unwind and surrender. Then I repeat this until he is finished.
- Love - When I am feeling especially aligned or sometimes at the end of the Breath meditation I like to drop into love. I feel into my heart center, letting my mind acknowledge the space where my love lives and then I coax it into a roaring fire. I let that sensation - the warm, golden, tingly sensation - seep into my whole body and I imagine it flowing through my milk and into his being. This one is so sweet and I particularly like to practice it late in the night when the air is thin and the world is quiet.